Child Abuse Has Gone on Far too Long - We Need to Protect Children
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I almost couldn't believe my ears when my wife told me that our ten year old grand-daughter had confided in her about something that her step grandfather had done.
Our grand-daughter has not had an easy ten years on this earth. She was born out of wedlock, her mother has suffered from drug abuse, crack cocaine to be exact, and has placed her in dangerous situations on more than one occasion.
The mother has been on crack binges and taken my grand-daughter with her, where she was told to stay in the van on the ground, so no one would know she was there.
These type of actions caused her to lose physical custody of my grand-daughter, but she still had visitation and weekend visits. It was during these weekend visits that the child abuse occurred.
Now, I'm not just saying this because she is my grand-daughter, but she is a very bright, active, and beautiful little girl, and I guess I shouldn't say little girl because she is growing into a young lady.
She is my first grand child, and I love all eleven of my grand-children, but she does hold a very special place in my heart.
The man was arrested and we are going through court proceedings right now, and it is the hardest thing that I've ever had to do. Because I'm not going to be called to give my testimony, my grand-daughter asked if I could go into the courtroom, when she was on the stand. The attorneys all agreed to it and I was able to support her while she was on the stand.
Sitting in that courtroom and having to listen to my little girl give detailed descriptions of four different occasions where this man did these sexual approaches, just turned my stomach. It took every once of energy I had, not to get up and level that man and his attorney.
I was very proud of her as she didn't back down but told the whole truth, even as the defense attorney was trying his best to drag her over the coals by trying to confuse her with the way he asked his questions. I thought, "this is a ten year old girl!"
I was emotionally drained when I got home, but my grand-daughter stood strong.
I remember looking at this guy as he showed no remorse. He's seventy one years old, and I'm sure he probably has done this before. People just don't decide that I'm going to go out and sexually molest a little girl today.
My grand-daughter has a sister, who is eight, from another father, and she also had to take the stand. This little girl was so traumatized that it took a whole day to get her to say anything because she was crying most of the time. She would hide down under the stand, and they would have to get her to come out.
The defense attorney was warned by the judge that the man was making faces at the witness and trying to intimidate her, and he needed to stop, all the while this little girl was terrified. She never was able to give her testimony and it was thrown out.
Everything now depended on my grand-daughter, and they tried every tactic to try and show that she was lying and get her testimony thrown out as well. If that happened, he could walk out a free man. It didn't happen.
This was only the preliminary hearing, it now goes to the actual court hearing. This could go on for one or two months, and then could even go to a jury trial.
I thought, How many of these cases never even get reported? How many thousands of innocent children are living their lives with stuff like this in their background? My grand-daughter will be scared for life with this. Will it effect how she looks at men? Will she be able to get married and live a normal relationship with her husband?
How can we as parents and grand parents prevent these things from happening without becoming paranoid and running around like vigilantes?
My wife has a close relationship with my grand daughter, where she felt comfortable to talk to her about all this, and I think that is a starting point.
Take time to be with your kids and grand kids, and build strong relationships that make them feel comfortable to talk to you, and by all means, we must learn to listen to them. Keep your eyes and ears open to things they say, and actions that might not be normal for them, so we can learn to be recognizing child abuse.
My wife was the one that noticed that my grand-daughter was extremely tired when she would come over to stay with us. That was not normal for her and she started to question her about it. That's what led to her confiding with my wife about what happened.
I'm interested in your thoughts and comments. What do you think about this and what suggestions you might have as to how we, as a society, can cope with this? Have we done irreparable damage to our young people? I think the future of our nation depends on what we do and how we prevent child abuse.
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I wish we could exterminate the monsters from the society.
Thank you so much Christine for all your advice and the website as well.
My grand-daughter is seeing a counselor and she does have the strong support of her family, but I pray so much for those children who don't. How difficult it must be for them.
I may sound old fashioned here but I think our society is just to lenient with sex on TV and advertising. Every where you go, it's right out in front of everyone's eyes.
So many of these molesters are people that that the victims know and trust, and that is so scary. As in your case, your child's own father! I have such a hard time wrapping my thought's into that. Someone who is supposed to protect and provide for her, to do something like that is so hard for me to come to grips with.
Thank you again Christine for taking the time to leave your comments and your story. I do appreciate that.
God bless you and I will keep your daughter and you in my prayers.
Yes QuadsiaP1, I wish we could do that also, but it seems that the laws are becoming more and more lenient for these people and the crimes that they perpetrate on these little innocent ones.
Hi Brian,
My heart goes out to your grand-daughters. I believe with counseling and having a support and loving family will go a long way in helping them.
I was a victim at the hands of my father and I overcame it. Was it easy? No, but it was worth it.
I realized all men are not like that, though I'm a bit guarded till I get to know someone, I still have a gentle heart.
People that abuse children in any way are sick. The number one thing that helped me was to realize what happened had nothing to do with me and everything to do with my father. I realized he was a sick man and he would have been like that no matter who his children were. At that point, I actually felt pity for him, realizing how horrible his life must be. It wasn't pity like you have toward someone who has something awful to them, but a pity of seeing a broken and seriously sick person.
I pray your grand-daughters will come through this stronger and better people, while maintaining their uniqueness.
God bless,
Terri
You have such a great attitude after coming out of such an awful experience Terishere. You could be very angry and hateful but you're not and I know that is not easy to do.
To realize that this is about a sick father and not anything wrong with you, had to be a huge mountain to climb.
How long did it take for you to overcome this and did you go to counseling?
Thank you so much Terishere for sharing your story and your prayers.
God bless you.
Hi Brian,
It took a few years and was an ongoing process. An epiphany came to me when I was 18...I saw it clearly, that it was my father, not me. After that point I went to counseling for about a year. I wasn't completely healed, but counseling gave me the tools to work on myself.
This was many years ago, over 20. One thing the whole experienced helped me with, was becoming self aware. And, recognizing the signs that someone is not emotionally healthy.
I do pray for your grand-daughter. It's a shame that many burdens we carry are none of our own but brought on by others. Hopefully she will see that one day and not own it as her own...
God bless,
Terri
If you don't mind me asking Terishere, are you married and do you have children? Has any of this affected your relationships with your husband or your children? If I'm getting to bold in my questions please, just tell me.
I sent you a message Brian :)
God bless,
Terri
Thank you Terishere for your openness on this subject.
I will remember you and your family in my prayers.
God bless
You're welcome Brain :) I hope you got my message...
I can understand you asking, for you're probably looking forward, trying to see how all of this is going to affect your grand-daughter.
She can get through it, though, it's not an easy road, she can over come what has happened to her. That doesn't mean there won't be some residual stuff left, but with the right support, she'll be able to see it and deal with it.
Sadly, though she didn't cause it, she will have to deal with the aftermath that comes. It just angers me how people can be so cruel and cause so much pain to another individual, especially children. Their whole foundation is rocked. It's just horrible.
Your grand-daughter and your family are in my prayers..
God bless,
Terri
I did get your message and again thank you for sharing your experience. That is valuable information that we can use, and thank you for your prayers as well.
God bless you.
You are inspirational Terishere, to have gone through so much and still show much understanding. Sadly this is such a huge problem, and whilst it may be easy for me to say the world is still full of good people, I know it is more difficult for people such as yourself and my daughter to have trust in others. My daughter has had problems within intimate relationships and I am sure it is a contributing factor. She is now about to go through the court process and I think this will go a long way in helping her. I have written an ongoing hub about it all if you would like to read it. All the best to you :)
I do pray for your daughter....God has been a huge help to me!!
And I do agree, trusting others can be difficult..and how can it not? You're foundation as a child is completely rocked by those who were suppose to love you unconditionally. If a parent is able to abuse you, then how can the rest of the world be trusted?
But I've learned that not everyone is the same and I will not judge all the same because of a few bad apples. Though my guard is up, my heart is not shut.
I'm sure going through the courts, will help your daughter greatly with the healing process... She is in my prayers...and when she comes through this, she will be a much stronger person, more compassionate, loving and caring...
I will stop by and read your hubs
God bless,
Terri
Christine P Ann Level 3 Commenter 9 months ago
Firstly Brian, I would like to say how sorry I am that your family has had to endure the heartache associated with child sex abuse. Unfortunately there are countless reported cases and many more go unreported. Your grand-daughter showed courage in speaking out about what had happened to her and then to go on and give evidence to the court. Many victims of child sex abuse never tell anyone because they have either been groomed to think it is a special secret and in fact quite normal behaviour, or they have been told they will not be believed if they speak out and they will be taken away from their parents.
My daughter was almost a teenager before she told me her own father had been molesting her, as it turned out since she was about three. Even then she refused to speak with anyone else about it and so he was not prosecuted at the time. She is now 25 and soon to be a mother herself and has laid charges against him. She will need to give evidence in court and hopefully he will be put away for a long time. Here in Australia we have a wonderful organization that supports adult survivors of child sex abuse to come forward, their website is also full of printable information in regards to what signs to look out for and how to protect children from child abusers it is;
bravehearts.org.au
I believe you will find this information very useful.
How do we cope as a society? well I believe we should not turn our back on our children. We should take the time to listen to what they are saying, if they don't like a particular adult don't force them to be in their company. We can learn to listen to our instincts and trust our intuition about others. The damage is not irreparable because with support and belief comes healing. A good counsellor can help as well. the entire world depends on what we do to prevent child abuse from happening. I don't believe they can be cured, I believe they always have the attraction even if they can control the urge (much like an alcoholic)and to be honest I don't like the idea of even one of them lusting after a young child even if they don't follow through. The only place for them is prison and well, here in Australia our judges are just way too lenient and so most of them are re offending. I hope this has been helpful.
All the very best to you and your family.